50 is only 14 in Scrabble

Odd but true facts about my 50^th  birthday

1.       My husband threw me a surprise party, but due to a blizzard no one was able to attend (not even us). We threw the cupcakes in the freezer the next day and are hoping the balloons don’t deflate before next Sunday when the party will hopefully resume.

2.      As I looked at the decorations for the party I noticed that the person who decorated had made a really neat “over the hill” cake out of depends. It had trinkets on it such as hemorrhoid cream and other old age remedies and gadgets.  It was very funny but also disturbing as I realized that I already own or use many of the items on the cake.

3.      My husband gave me a card addressed to his Senior Citizen Pal.

4.      Hubs called me on the way to work and sang “Some kind of wonderful” to me in its entirety – trouble is…I was in the shower and Hannah intercepted the call.

5.      At Walgreens today the clerk asked if I was 55 or older.  I wanted to punch her but decided my fragile bones might break! When I told her no, but in fact, today was my 50^th birthday she congratulated me on being an Aquarian!  Alas, it has taken 50 years for someone to congratulate me on my Zodiac placement! Apparently, according to the clerk, those that are born under the sign of water are to be respected.  And I was under the impression that those under water needed to be “resuscitated”!  Hmm, never too old to learn I guess! She asked Hannah for her birthdate and then informed her she was a Gemini.  Hannah left confused and I left humming Age of Aquarius in my head all day”!

6.      In honor of my “no white foods” diet I made “brownies” to celebrate the occasion.

Awesome and true facts about my 50^th birthday

1.      All of my hubs efforts to celebrate me made me feel incredibly special – I just love my senior citizen pal!

2.      My boys called me up on the phone to pay their respects, er, um, to say happy birthday – one of them even did a photo collage tribute to me on Facebook. Perhaps I should make him some brownies or whiteys!

3.      I got flowers from Spark and my in-laws – nothing better than that on a snowy cold day.

4.      My sister called and sang Happy Birthday to me – something I can always count on.

5.      So many Facebook greetings, text messages and emails from friends I can’t even count them!  Sure makes this old lady feel special, and mathematically challenged!

Thus far – 50 ain’t so bad!

Psalm 71:18

Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.

Merry *@$%^ Christmas

Occasionally I have one of those mornings, or periods of time, where the whole situation seems hilarious to me, and I just break forth into “blog” or “poem” or both in this instance.

I originally wrote this poem just for the amusement of my husband and me since we’re probably the only ones that would understand it or think it’s funny.  But as he read it and I re-read it we just felt like it needs to be shared.

Why?  Well, because it speaks so (non) eloquently of the human nature.  We’ve all been in these situations before – we may not actually confess to saying a bad word, getting frustrated or whatever, but let’s face it – REALITY is hilarious! We have all had those crazy mornings or days where everyday life just happens. At the time it doesn’t seem so funny but, when we look back on it we see that we wouldn’t have been able to make this stuff up – even if we tried! And when it takes place in the midst of the holly jolly holidays – it’s just even funnier!

Let me give you some background about our evening/morning that inspired the following poem so that you will understand it….

·         First of all, there must be a dead mouse in the crawl space…or so says our noses (enough said).

·         Secondly, Jr. High homework may be the death of all of us – especially this African project our daughter has been doing for days for Social Studies.

·          Thirdly, Boy #1 is home for the holidays and making himself at home and making us laugh with his funny noises and voices and annoying his little sister.

·          Fourthly, Joel is very frustrated by a certain situation going on in the news right now. So, much so that this morning a potty word slipped out when he saw a report on it as he was leaving for work.  It’s okay to admit it – we’ve all had those little slip ups now and then. Okay, well except for my mother in law.  She once said “Shoot” in front of the children and apologized profusely.  So, if you’re as saintly as my mother in law, well then, God love ya! 

·         Fifthly – daughter heard said potty word and marveled that it came from Father’s lips.  Like any good Christian wife I texted my husband to let him know how he had wronged the child.  He apologized to her over the phone.  She didn’t really seem to care – she was just annoyed that he was taking time away from the African Social studies project that she NEVER…DID…COMPLETE!

·         Sixthly – I spent the morning correcting dad, keeping girl on task, trying to get out of the door in time to get her to school and then to work on time – hoping, hoping I won’t be late!! Only to realize when I finally make it to work that I don’t have my purse!

As I was rushing to get to the office, Christmas carols played in the background and I chuckled to myself when I heard the singer crooning about “Peace on Earth”!   I was thinking… “Hey…If you find, this, “Peace on Earth”, tell it to look us up – not much peace happening over at the Mishler’s this morning”!  And like I typically do after the storm hits – I laugh!!  And so this little poem was written to commemorate this Chaotic morning in the midst of the “The most wonderful time of the year”!

Merry *#$@%^ Christmas

Twas 9 days before Christmas and all through the house

Arose the stench of a stinky dead mouse

And, I in my black jammies, went to bed

While the girl crammed African homework facts into her head

Homework was still scattered when morning dawned

I prepared eggs while Daddy sat and yawned

Then suddenly on TV there arose something absurd

Causing daddy to drop a very naughty word

Then emerged the girl with eyes full of wonder

Homework yet to do and now a new word to ponder

Then on the phone, to the girl, the dad did apologize

While she still rubbed the sleep from her eyes

She labored over homework, with toast on a plate

And I am afraid, to work, I’ll be late

While over in the kitchen stood a half-naked son

Oh when or when will this homework get done!

As the son made breakfast filling the house with smoke

He had time to squeak, squeal and crack a few jokes

With homework unfinished and a half combed fro

Out in the frigid morning we finally go

I zoom to the school with no time to lag

When the girls says “Oh No, I forgot my cheer leading bag”

Half naked son gets a call from me

Taking her bag to school he nicely agrees

Pulling into work, I realize – I’ve forgotten my purse

Oh Good Grief now it’s my turn to curse!

Home again and then back to work alright

Merry *@$%^ Christmas to all and to all a good *@&%^ night!

This is proof that we're not always grumpy - Merry Christmas Everyone!

Father's Day Faux Pas

Back home when someone did something kind of crazy or absent minded we never wanted to speak ill of them so we would just say “Bless her heart” or “Bless Joe” (or insert the name of your own poor sap here).  That was our way of recognizing that poor old sap who had screwed up one more time without actually having to say something bad about them.  Just those gentle southern ways!   Well, I had one of those “Bless Kim” kind of moments!

At first these “Bless Kim” moments are quite disturbing to me and it only takes moments after I realize my errors that I begin to start plotting my future…such as… what “facility” I will spend my final days in? And also, wondering if I’ll be that lady pushing the grocery cart down the street with the bra on the outside of her clothing!  I spend a considerable amount of time there, wondering about my mental capacities, and then, well, I just can’t help but come back to the hilarity of it all – which typically results in a blog!  A girls got to deal with this insanity somehow!

So here’s my most recent “Bless Kim” moment – prepare to say “Bless Kim” unless you already have!

Several weeks ago someone called me at the church office wanting to book the church cabin for a grad party.  She booked it for the 8^th but then cancelled it because she didn’t want to do it on Father’s Day!  Well, I certainly didn’t catch onto this but my poor fragile mind locked in on June 8 as Father’s Day and there it stayed.

I was bummed that Sparky had games all father’s day weekend so I even said to him that maybe we’d wait until Monday or something to have Father’s day dinner.  I went to many pain staking lengths to put just the right clip art and Father’s Day stories in the Church Newsletter (Go ahead and say your first “Bless Kim” right here).  I was quite proud of the clip art I had chosen for the front page of the Shoreline newsletter but it didn’t actually say Father’s Day so I decided to find more and more and more.  I really did it up nicely!  Dad’s from all over Shore Church should feel inspired and encouraged by my many newsletter quips and quotes!

Then it was on to the Pre-service slide show.  I carefully selected an opening slide that had to do with the Father’s day theme and put it as the first slide – I even carried the theme throughout the show in other places and even changed a slide to one of the songs we sang to one with a father and daughter!  Wow – I was going to town on this Father’s Day business in the church office on Friday! 

Saturday had lots of twists and turns in it that I wasn’t planning and so the day kind of got away from me but I did take the time to sit down and plan out a special surprise for My Sparky!  After all, he is the world’s greatest dad and worthy to be honored!  Once done, I decided that after church on Sunday Hannah and I would venture out to Walmart and pick up some things for his favorite Strawberry shortcake and have that for him when he got back in town late Sunday.

On Sunday morning I sent Sparky a heartfelt text message telling him what a great guy he Is and yadda, yadda, yadda…really laid the butter on thick!  I then texted his kids and told them all to make sure they honored dad on this very special of days.  When Hannah arose I made sure she used my phone to send dad a special message!  Gee we were certainly getting Sparky’s day off to a fine start.

We got to church a little late and I wondered why they weren’t running the pre service slide show.  But figured there was a glitch or something and didn’t think much of it.  I was busy visiting and talking to people after church so I didn’t have the opportunity to wish everyone a Happy Father’s Day – thank God for tying my tongue there! 

Hannah and I skipped Sunday School and headed out – I wanted to have everything in place for tonight and there was a busy day ahead.  On the way to Walmart I get a text from Nic informing me that Father’s Day is next weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT???? You’ve got to be kidding me!  I about drove off the road! I was beside myself.  Then, of course, once inside, all the Posters and advertising Proclaiming Father's Day June 15 taunted me and taunted me as they hung from the Walmart rafters! Hannah of course, had to point out each one of them, twisting the knife a little deeper in my wound! I texted the PowerPoint Guy and asked why he didn’t show the PowerPoint this morning, asking if it was because It said Happy Father’s day on it.  I could just imagine in my mind all the leadership team sitting around and scratching their heads and saying “Bless Kim” and then holding hands and praying for their poor absent minded church secretary!   He replied and said that he was busy making changes to the song slides and didn’t have time to show it!  I think that was definitely Devine intervention from the Grandest Father of them all to eliminate any more embarrassment for this poor lady!  I’m guessing at this point God was saying “Bless Kim” and intervened on my behalf!!  Thank you Father!  So glad he’s got my back.

This whole situation left my boys laughing like crazy, my poor husband bewildered and my daughter wondering why in the heck we come down so hard on her when she screws up! 

Pastor Carl talked about “flawed” humans today and challenged us not to live in our “flaws”.  I don’t know if  this was the kind of “flaws” he was talking about but “flawed” I feel nonetheless! 

Soooo, I really have nothing else to say but ….. “Bless Kim”….”Bless Father’s everywhere no matter what day you celebrate them” and well “Bless those that are sound in mind”!  It’s really a gift!

Happy Father’s day to all – now go find a reason to have some shortcake!