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Thursday, December 3, 2015

TBT - Throw Back Thursday

Recently several people have mentioned that I haven't blogged much anymore!  Believe me, I've had plenty moments that are blog worthy lately - I just haven't had the time.  So, today I'm going to blog something that I wrote many years ago - like....maybe 9-10 years ago!  I know - ancient right?  

I'm working the Shop today and a gentleman was in telling me a "hunting" story.  He didn't buy anything but he kept me entertained with his stories!  Once he was gone and the visions of dead deer in the woods was stuck in my head I started to reminisce about the days when Nic, my son, first started hunting.  And then I thought about this piece that I wrote many moon ago after one such hunting trip. 

Don't know why I wrote it - it was in the Pre-Facebook, Pre-blog, Neanderthal error - but I was inspired and I did and so here it is for your TBT pleasure! It's called NO BIG DEAL!  Enjoy!

No Big Deal

My son is a hunter.  We don’t know why he likes to hunt or how he even caught this fever.  My husband wasn’t a hunter and did not grow up in a hunting family.  In fact, his family was much opposed to the idea since his uncle was killed in a hunting accident.  Then, enter, Nic who likes to hunt.  So, my husband decides that there is no way that he is sending his son (who inherited the clutz gene from me) into the woods alone with a weapon. So, now, my husband also is a hunter!

They bragged last night as they were getting ready for the hunt about how they were the men folk going out to get the meat for the family.  I asked them if they’d shoot a cow this time instead of a deer as I don’t much have a taste for Venison.  They laughed - I was serious.

The hours passed and it soon became dark.  The phone rings.  It is Nic.  He speaks with half excitement, half disappointment.  “Mom, I got a deer, but she ran away and we can’t find her – we’re looking and have called friends to come help so we won’t be home for a while.”  A few moments later Nic’s uncle Jerold called to talk to him.  When I told him of the situation he and his wife decided to join the forest search party and headed out for the woods with flashlights in tow. 

They had just gotten home when I arrived from church.  Half frozen and nearly starved to death, my Hunter Husband says to me – you’ll have to take him out in the morning to look for the deer!  What!!!???  You’ve got to be kidding me!.  How did I suddenly become involved in this?  There was no asking, no pleading just the command of what needed to be done.  I kept asking questions of who, how, what and why and the biggest question of all was – “How do you expect me to get our 4 year old daughter up at 6:45, drive him out there, possibly bring back a dead deer (which by the way, I have a real thing about dead animals) and be at work by 9:00 and Nic to school at a decent time?  No one really took much time answering my questions because they could see the darts flying form my eyes and the steady stream of steam fuming from my ears. They just looked at me and said, “It’s really not a big deal”.  

Once in bed, I again began to spout off about my dissatisfaction with being involved in this endeavor.  Then, I was informed, once again, that it really wasn’t a big deal and I was making more out of it than it was.  “So, how in the world do you expect me and Nic and Hannah, to hang up a dead deer if we do in fact find it?”, I asked my confident husband.  “You’ll figure it out, he said”!  Yeah, right and why don’t I just bring it home and butcher it too all before 9 a.m.!!  My husband didn’t bother saying good bye to me that morning before he left for work, but he did yell downstairs to inform me that the dog had puked in the floor!  Now, wait a minute, if it really isn’t such a big deal to go out into the woods and handle a dead animal then it really shouldn’t be such a big deal to clean up a small puddle of doggie phlegm should it?  I’m really kicking myself for not shouting back upstairs, “Clean it up – it’s not a big deal”!

I was only expected to take Nic out and then go back and get him after the deer was found, dragged to the jeep and gutted.  But, Hannah, our 4 year old, was so excited and I felt bad about not being a more supportive mom that I bundled her and I up and at the first crack of daylight we headed out with Nic to the woods behind a friends home (or the crime scene as I like to refer to it).  I was hoping we’d easily come upon the chalked outline of the animal in question, load her into the jeep and head back home for a quick cup of hot cocoa before it was time to go to work.  But no such luck.  Nic gets Hannah on the look out for the “blood trail”.  Just the words – “blood trail” is enough to make my stomach churn but my 4 year old daughter suddenly became part hound.  If she had a tail it would have been wagging with excitement.  She was on that like a fly to garbage.  And good at it she was.  After about ½ hour searching and searching she and Nic find a “blood trail” in the cornfield.  I’m thinking, how in the heck are we supposed to drag a dead deer out of a very dense cornfield?  My son assures me that he’ll just drag her out!  Yeah, right, oh yeah, of course, No big deal!   I didn’t go into the cornfield because I was determined to find this poor dead deer lying in plain sight in front of the jeep!  Pretty soon I cannot hear or see my oldest and youngest offspring (the middle child had morning practice or he would have been there too).  I call Nic on the cell phone.  Hannah was sniffing her way through an unbelievable blood trail they had found deep in the corn field and they just knew they’d find this dead deer (the victim) soon.  Finally at 8:26 I inform my son via cell phone that I have to be to work in ½ hour and will need to leave soon.  He is nice and asks for about 5 more minutes.  I am feeling bad that I didn’t go into the cornfield now so that I can rescue my most likely frozen and starved preschooler and not have to take Nic away from his “blood trail”.  Pretty soon they come out, he with a very discouraged look, she with snot streaming all the way down her face but still a look of exuberance I will never forget.  As I watched them emerge from the corn field I couldn’t help but say out loud – here they come – The children of the corn!  Wasn’t that a movie once? 

He drove us back to our van and he headed back to the cornfield for another look.  This is when the adorable little snot nosed girl who was her brothers right hand search assistant turned into the child from h – e double hockey sticks.  She whined and cried the whole way home complaining how cold she was and how she wanted to stay with Nicky!  I let her know we had only 5 minutes to change our clothes and get to day care/work and that I would need her full cooperation. I might as well have been speaking directly to the dead deer. I’m going full speed ahead at home pulling her icy cold toes from her wet socks and shoes.  She is screaming that she hates the jeans I picked out, she doesn’t want to wear those shoes and I hurt her foot when I put her shoe on.  I think her head even spun around – I’m not sure because I was screaming myself and dealing with a “blood trail” of my own in the bathroom!

We throw on coats that Hannah of course, does not want to wear and race to the church – you know the place of peace, the home of the Lord, where I work and Hannah goes to school.  My mother in law is waiting on me to help count the church offering.  I tell her my tale of woe.  None of which she finds humorous - just a look of concern that she might see her sons name in headlines soon. 

I get a call from a very disappointed Nic around 9:45.  He still can’t find the deer and realizes he needs to get to school.  My mother in law, bless her heart, offers to drive him to school.  I drive out to the friend’s farm and follow my son back because he is not suppose to be legally driving yet.  Grandma is there to meet us at home.  Nic seems to think he has time for coffee and some t.v. – No big deal!.  I started screaming again for him to get in the shower.  I throw some food items in a bag for my lunch and headed back to the church – the place of peace,  after I called the school to say that Nic is running late and praying they don’t ask me why.  They didn’t.  My husband will rush home from work to comb the corn field for the “victim” after work since Nic has basketball practice.  I hope he finds her this time - if not maybe he’ll take my advice and shoot a cow next time – they don’t run fast or far.  In any event, it’s really no big deal! 

Tuesday, August 11, 2015


Well here it is…the day before the first day of school.  If I weren't such a good Southern Christian woman I'd throw myself on the ground, pound my fists on the floor, kick my legs and scream uncontrollably....I WANNA DO OVER!  But us Southern Christian gals just don't do that kind of thing - well not in public anyway! 

I drove by a lake the other day on a whirlwind trip to pick up last minute groceries and I saw THEM there…there they were... "The LAKE PEOPLE"!  They were all tanned up with big white smiles and there were sounds of laughter, crashing waves and all the other sounds that relaxed, happy, vacationing people make!  "The Lake people" were having a glorious time.  They were frolicking in the water, soaking up the rays, skiing, boating, drinking tea on a pontoon… it all looked lovely.  I suddenly felt like Chevy Chase in the Christmas Vacation movie where he is waiting on the Christmas bonus, looking out the window and day dreaming of the pool  he will buy with it (however there was not a naked girl in my day dream as there was in Chevy's or a naked man for that matter! Southern Christian women don't day dream like that either).

Truth of the matter is; I don’t even like swimming in a lake, or skiing or boating and yet I found myself lusting. Lusting after that lifestyle – laid back, adventurous, frivolous, having days where there is nothing on the agenda and not a care in the world!  I often wonder what "The Lake People" do in their free time?  I can’t even imagine but I’m sure it’s just something glorious and filled with fun, fun and more fun!  I imagine they swim, boat and ski by day and enjoy tiki torch lit barbecue dinners on their patio in the evening and then go out for a quick pontoon ride as the sun goes down! And they have perfectly shaped bodies and just hang out in their bikini swim suits all day eating fresh pineapple and taking naps on the Lanai.  I don’t really know what a Lanai is, but it sounds lovely and I’d very much like to nap there too!    And the Lake People have big fat pay checks that just show up mysteriously in their mailboxes and they deposit them from their phone as they lay on a raft drifting in the water!  Oh…the Lake People! 

As I look back on my summer calendar I see that out of the past 8 weekends I had only one with no agenda and that was this past weekend, which I did enjoy immensely with my family.   The highlight of the summer was an afternoon where I took Hannah to a local zoo for the afternoon!  We went to a friend’s pool to swim one time – one stinkin time I swam this summer!! I WANNA DO OVER!

I love Facebook as I lived vicariously through others looking at the pictures of their vacations and wondering if they are actually "The Lake People" and this is what they do in their spare time – take vacations elsewhere! 

As I experienced yet had another crazy hectic day on this final day of Summer Vacay I found myself kind of feeling sorry for myself, and a little jealous, bitter, upset, envious, snarky – (insert your own adjective here). Better yet, just look up “Poor Pitiful Me” in the dictionary for a full description! 

So, it made me reflect on my summer.  The Lazy Days of summer they were not; as every day was filled with something.  And that IS a good thing right?  My days may not have been lazy wonderful fun filled days lounging on the beach or that Lanai thingy but they were, in fact, filled!  And they were filled with many good things. The older I get the more I realize what a blessing it is to have days that are filled with activity – as one day I may wish that I had more activity or long for these activity filled days!  Believe me, several trips to visit the nursing home will constitute an attitude check real quick!  So, just in case you need a list of the good things of my summer (I know I need to see a list) here goes:

...and we had ice cream except I look like I just had a long spoon!

1. I saw my sister for a one day getaway


 2. Good friends came to visit for a few days.

       3. I started a business with my husband  and...

       4. I scoured the countryside with him finding treasures to sell in our shop

5. I got to know many new friends as we watched our daughters play ball together and.... 6. I had the privilege of watching my healthy, able bodied daughter play ball

7. I attended weddings
8. I celebrated the home going of an uncle.
9.  I held a sweet newborn babe!
10.  I got to sleep later than 5 a.m. every single  

11. And stay up late…

I saw gorgeous flowers, colorful birds, smelled freshly mowed hay, witnessed a Blue Moon, saw fireflies, made s’mores and went to bed smelling like a campfire a couple of times. Although, I'd still like to experience a few care free wasn't such a bad summer after all! 

How was your summer?  
 I hope it was filled….with good…with normal…with blessings!

Friday, April 10, 2015

Spewing Sister!

So, according to Facebook it’s National Sibling Day!  I don’t know who comes up with these but I really enjoyed looking at everyone’s tributes to their siblings on Social Media today, especially those who posted pics from the 70’s where hair length made it hard to tell the brothers from the sisters.

It made me think a lot about my one and only sister – Janie!  She’s 8 year’s older, 7 inches shorter, lives 6 hours away and we don’t see each other much.  We communicate a lot via text and email but I have to say that when it comes to my sister – it’s not the quantity of time we spend together but the quality of it that makes her so special.

Tonight was a perfect example of this as she had me laughing so hard I nearly had “tears” rolling down my legs!

She went for a colonoscopy yesterday.  She called to recount the adventure with me today – because, well, that’s just what you do with your sister.

So, the story goes like this…As is customary with the procedure you must make sure the tunnel is clear before the doc ventures to go where no one has gone before.  So, they give you a packet of instructions including the steps to follow to “clear the tunnel” the day before the exam. 

It’s a grueling day that no one anticipates including no solid foods, no RED dye liquids and a steady stream of laxatives followed by a steady stream of…well, you get the picture!

Trouble is…dear sister failed to read the NO RED DYE part of the instructions.  Some people have selective hearing – she has selective reading!  So, in the morning she helped herself to a delicious cup of red jello followed by a tasty red Popsicle.  All was good in her world!

Per the instructions, later in the day, she took the 4 laxatives that she was instructed to take and then she went ahead and mixed up the powder laxative that she was supposed to take later in her favorite “Red” Crystal Lite flavor.  She put it in the fridge so it would be icy cold and delicious for her drinking pleasure later in the evening – when she felt so “moved” to enjoy it. A frugal gal, dear sister opted to buy two small bottles of the powder instead of a big container so she wouldn’t have an abundance of laxative powder going to waste. So, she measured out enough for her delicious strawberry/orange/banana/laxative smoothie and still had at least another serving left!

It was soon after this that a friend called to see how the prep was going.  What a friend, eh? This kind of friendship gives a whole new meaning to the phrase Bosom Buddies!   Having been on this journey herself, her friend mentioned to Janie that she isn’t supposed to have RED DYE, when she heard about the all red diet she’d been on!  Janie looks at the packet again and sure enough – there it is…NO RED DYE!!  EEEK! She quickly calls her doctor’s office and consults with them and they assure her she will be okay as long as she doesn’t use any more red products.

Her friend, who had previously used another product that could be mixed with sprite advised her to use the gingerale she had on hand. Sounded like a good plan to sis so she commenced to mixing up her little cock”tail” – no pun intended!

She strategically measured out the gingerale and the powder laxative and combined the two.  What happened next was straight out of a science experiment.  When the powder laxative hit the carbonation of the soda it created a volcanic spew that erupted all over her kitchen and spilled down to the floor like hot flowing lava!   The more it spewed the harder she laughed – yep that’s my girl!  We are surely related!

Now, Janie, finds herself in quite a quandary as she is currently a ticking time bomb with 4 laxatives settling comfortably in her gut, no more laxative powder in the house and laxative/gingerale volcano lava all over kitchen to clean up. She had to go to town for more powder before her laxatives went to town in her gut!

My sister lives in a valley or holler!   Due to recent floods and washed out bridges getting to town is no easy feat these days so she set out and drove like a maniac “the long way” to town.  Once at the store, noting that she could blow any minute without warning, she quickly grabbed up the powder laxative, paid at the U-Scann and jogged back to the car.

She took great pride in letting me know that she made it back up the mountain and down into the holler in epic time before another spew occurred!

Doc told her “things” looked good down under and she wouldn’t need another scope for 10 years to which she replied… "No way Doc – I’m never doing this again!” Yep, that’s my girl!!

So, Dear Sister Janie – I love ya!  There’s no denying we are sisters!  Thanks for a lifetime of laughter but especially thanks for the good laugh tonight.

To all those out there celebrating their sibling today… Here’s to you….BOTTOM’S UP!!