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Friday, November 9, 2012

A head full of air!

Have you ever seen a baby born with a lot of hair and said, “Wow look at that head full of hair!”?  Well, when you read this blog you will want to say about me… “Wow, look at that head full of air!”. 


What I’m about to tell you is true….sad…but true!


It all started a few weeks back when I had carpal tunnel surgery. I’ve decided not to sue or anything but I’m pretty sure he slit a hole in the side of my head causing my brain to leak out.  It just has to be his fault….I’m just sayin’!


I had the surgery of both hands on October 3.  I was pretty much out of commission for a couple of days not able to do much with my hands.  It was then that my brain also took a vacation and forgot to return with my hand strength.  I won’t go into great detail but over the course of the weeks that followed I banged my head on the freezer door handle really hard almost making me black out, I rammed my toe into a chair breaking it, only to ram said toe into a shelf 3 days later.  The day after I broke my toe I bent way down to pick up something that didn’t make the trash can and on the way up I hit my head (again) really hard on the edge of the shelf over the toilet.  The night I broke my toe I also ran my thigh into a shelf that juts out in our bathroom putting a huge bruise on my thigh.  Last Sunday I burned my index finger on the oven grid and three days later sliced the skin off the top of my middle finger when I picked up a cracked plate out of the cupboard.  The broken end came off in my hand cutting my finger. 

It’s quite a site to see really. 

Three days ago I lost some very important documents that Joel gave me to take to our accountant.  I got all the way to the accountant’s office and didn’t have them. I knew they were in my car. I put them there that morning.  I retraced my steps and was sure I must have put them in the mailbox along with a stack of mail he gave me to mail.  I asked the poor Post mistress to go through the mailbox to look for them.  I later found them in the church office garbage can – don’t ask me how they got there – better ask my surgeon – this is his fault after all.

But what happened today takes the cake! Here’s some background.  The doors in our new house have a lock on the door knob, the kind that when they are locked can be turned from the inside but not the outside.  They also have deadbolts.  Our front door was not weather tight so Joel recently applied weather stripping to the front door causing the door not to shut tight unless you give it a good hardy slam.  

I, for one, never lock the door knob on the back door, just the dead bolt.  But just in case a would be robber were able to jimmy the dead bolt without waking us… the locked door knob should way lay him another few moments, so therefore, my dear husband locks both!  I was ready to take the garbage down to the end of the driveway when it was time for the bus.  I reminded Hannah this was my late day at work, asked if she had her key and she said yes.  I told her I would lock the door knob on the front door because the dead bolt is so tight it’s hard for her to turn.  I checked the door knob and gave the door a good hardy slam and a push for extra reinforcement. 


Then I threw on my coat and headed out the back door to put the garbage out.  On my way back up the drive I thought to myself… “ I sure hope Joel didn’t lock the back door”.  Yep, well you guessed it – it was locked.  So was the side garage door and also the exterior basement door.  I didn’t bother going up the stairs to check the front door, because, afterall, I had just locked and slammed it shut just moments ago. Furthermore,  I had to work quickly so there really wasn’t time.  Our landlords  live just a block over and they usually leave fairly early in the morning so I headed out on foot to their house.   Of course, I had no cell phone either! 


I was glad to see their kitchen light was still on so I slowed down a bit and caught my breath assured that help was on its way.  Turns out they gave us their last key and didn’t make a replacement.  Hmmm, well here’s the good thing I got to drive my landlords nice big diesel truck over to the elementary school to wait on Hannah so I could get her key.  I don’t know anything about diesels so he started it for me.  I didn’t want to turn it off because I didn’t know how to start it.  So I sat for a long time at the school, idling loudly with my coat over my pajama top waiting and waiting for bus #27 to pull up.  It did finally, the last bus to pull up.  After humiliating my daughter with just my utter presence I grabbed the key and headed for home in the really cool diesel truck being driven by a woman clad mostly in her pajamas.


It was now 7:45 and I had to be at work at 8.  I had to get dressed, do the hair and make up, eat breakfast and give my mother in law her medication.  I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to make it.  To save time I decided to run up the stairs and go in the front door.  I pushed the key into  the lock and guess what????  The door just pushed right open!!!!!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????  All I would have to do is go upstairs and push on the front door and it would have opened!!!  Expletive….Expletive…Expletive! 


Well, I guess, on the bright side (and there is always a bright side mind you) this was a long drawn out way to find out that when we think the front door is latched it really isn’t. 


This is why I’ve decided not to sue my surgeon.  Had he not released my brain, making a giant air bubble in my head, I would not have locked myself out, thus never finding out about the door, thus keeping us from a tragic break in of some sort…saving the day….all of our valuables and possibly our lives even.  In fact, I think I’ll tack a little extra onto the bill he just sent me….just as a way of saying thanks!  Now you really know my head is full of "air"!!!