Father's Day Faux Pas

Back home when someone did something kind of crazy or absent minded we never wanted to speak ill of them so we would just say “Bless her heart” or “Bless Joe” (or insert the name of your own poor sap here).  That was our way of recognizing that poor old sap who had screwed up one more time without actually having to say something bad about them.  Just those gentle southern ways!   Well, I had one of those “Bless Kim” kind of moments!

At first these “Bless Kim” moments are quite disturbing to me and it only takes moments after I realize my errors that I begin to start plotting my future…such as… what “facility” I will spend my final days in? And also, wondering if I’ll be that lady pushing the grocery cart down the street with the bra on the outside of her clothing!  I spend a considerable amount of time there, wondering about my mental capacities, and then, well, I just can’t help but come back to the hilarity of it all – which typically results in a blog!  A girls got to deal with this insanity somehow!

So here’s my most recent “Bless Kim” moment – prepare to say “Bless Kim” unless you already have!

Several weeks ago someone called me at the church office wanting to book the church cabin for a grad party.  She booked it for the 8^th but then cancelled it because she didn’t want to do it on Father’s Day!  Well, I certainly didn’t catch onto this but my poor fragile mind locked in on June 8 as Father’s Day and there it stayed.

I was bummed that Sparky had games all father’s day weekend so I even said to him that maybe we’d wait until Monday or something to have Father’s day dinner.  I went to many pain staking lengths to put just the right clip art and Father’s Day stories in the Church Newsletter (Go ahead and say your first “Bless Kim” right here).  I was quite proud of the clip art I had chosen for the front page of the Shoreline newsletter but it didn’t actually say Father’s Day so I decided to find more and more and more.  I really did it up nicely!  Dad’s from all over Shore Church should feel inspired and encouraged by my many newsletter quips and quotes!

Then it was on to the Pre-service slide show.  I carefully selected an opening slide that had to do with the Father’s day theme and put it as the first slide – I even carried the theme throughout the show in other places and even changed a slide to one of the songs we sang to one with a father and daughter!  Wow – I was going to town on this Father’s Day business in the church office on Friday! 

Saturday had lots of twists and turns in it that I wasn’t planning and so the day kind of got away from me but I did take the time to sit down and plan out a special surprise for My Sparky!  After all, he is the world’s greatest dad and worthy to be honored!  Once done, I decided that after church on Sunday Hannah and I would venture out to Walmart and pick up some things for his favorite Strawberry shortcake and have that for him when he got back in town late Sunday.

On Sunday morning I sent Sparky a heartfelt text message telling him what a great guy he Is and yadda, yadda, yadda…really laid the butter on thick!  I then texted his kids and told them all to make sure they honored dad on this very special of days.  When Hannah arose I made sure she used my phone to send dad a special message!  Gee we were certainly getting Sparky’s day off to a fine start.

We got to church a little late and I wondered why they weren’t running the pre service slide show.  But figured there was a glitch or something and didn’t think much of it.  I was busy visiting and talking to people after church so I didn’t have the opportunity to wish everyone a Happy Father’s Day – thank God for tying my tongue there! 

Hannah and I skipped Sunday School and headed out – I wanted to have everything in place for tonight and there was a busy day ahead.  On the way to Walmart I get a text from Nic informing me that Father’s Day is next weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT???? You’ve got to be kidding me!  I about drove off the road! I was beside myself.  Then, of course, once inside, all the Posters and advertising Proclaiming Father's Day June 15 taunted me and taunted me as they hung from the Walmart rafters! Hannah of course, had to point out each one of them, twisting the knife a little deeper in my wound! I texted the PowerPoint Guy and asked why he didn’t show the PowerPoint this morning, asking if it was because It said Happy Father’s day on it.  I could just imagine in my mind all the leadership team sitting around and scratching their heads and saying “Bless Kim” and then holding hands and praying for their poor absent minded church secretary!   He replied and said that he was busy making changes to the song slides and didn’t have time to show it!  I think that was definitely Devine intervention from the Grandest Father of them all to eliminate any more embarrassment for this poor lady!  I’m guessing at this point God was saying “Bless Kim” and intervened on my behalf!!  Thank you Father!  So glad he’s got my back.

This whole situation left my boys laughing like crazy, my poor husband bewildered and my daughter wondering why in the heck we come down so hard on her when she screws up! 

Pastor Carl talked about “flawed” humans today and challenged us not to live in our “flaws”.  I don’t know if  this was the kind of “flaws” he was talking about but “flawed” I feel nonetheless! 

Soooo, I really have nothing else to say but ….. “Bless Kim”….”Bless Father’s everywhere no matter what day you celebrate them” and well “Bless those that are sound in mind”!  It’s really a gift!

Happy Father’s day to all – now go find a reason to have some shortcake!

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Day Walmart sucked the "classy" right out of me!

As I continue on my approach to the “vintage” years everyday occurrences can be, oh so disturbing, and yet so hilarious – well, to me anyway!  My family didn’t find the humor in this story I’m about to tell you!  But I’m guessing some of my 40 something friends (or 50 something) (or anyone out there!!!) might find the humor in this! 

I had quite the adventure at Walmart yesterday in my quest to buy some Visa gift cards.

Here’s what went down. 

I had four gift cards to buy for graduates who live out of town.  My boys loved those Visa gift cards because they can be used anywhere.  I didn’t really want Walmart cards because…..well….some folks think Walmart cards are a bit tacky!  Unlike us country folk who think a free trip to Wally World is one of life’s greatest thrills! I’m not saying these folks wouldn’t appreciate the Walmart cards – but I just wanted to be a bit more classy – And nothing says classy more than a Visa gift card in a shiny little package!  

 

Anyhoo – so off I go on a beautiful day.  The minute I hit the Michigan line (were the Wally World is located) I drove into a storm!  All the other Rednecks in the parking lot just braved the rain – but I took my Red Warriors Umbrella… because…well…I’m just classy like that!

I frolicked up and down the aisles having a grand ol’ time as the thunder boomed outside.  No greater place to be in a storm than in the loving embrace of Sam Walton I always say!

At this point I had frolicked and ventured upon aisles that were not on my list and picked up a few little extras here and there. I mean, after all, I had brought Joel’s checkbook, so I might as well live large right?

 

I made my way to the gift card counter and snatched up the four Visa gift cards.  I took a moment to pause and envision the 4 “grads-to-be” opening their envelope, clutching the card to their chest and singing my praises for such a thoughtful, practical, albeit “classy” gift! 

I placed my items, in order by category of course, on the conveyor belt with the gift cards leading the way.  I’m going to refer to the checkout gal as Angie (to protect the innocent).  Now, Angie had a great Work Ethic – said no one ever at the Sturgis Walmart! My presumption about Angie’s poor work ethic is based on her facial frustration, the use of profanity and the eye rolls she made at the register when it didn’t perform to her satisfaction.  However, having said this, I do think that Angie was a religious girl because she praised God loudly for the fact that it was almost lunch time. It was evident that work wasn’t Angie’s top priority, but, hey a girl’s gotta do what she has to do to support her facial piercing habit I’m sure.

 

The Visa gift cards really threw poor Angie off and so she called for the manager to help her.. like this…”HEY MATT come over here”!  So Matt, who was very Labrador Retrieverish in his actions, came bounding over at her beck and call.  He showed and talked her through the correct buttons to push on her machine of frustration and she shooed him away (literally she actually shooed him away saying – I GOT THIS YOU CAN GO NOW and Matt just kept acting hyper and talking, talking, talking).  One card rung up and on to the next!  But once again, not working!  Of course, by this time, a long row of onlookers have lined up behind me.  So, she beckons good Ol’ Matt again – “Matt Get over here again!”  So, good ol’ Matt comes bounding over as if she had thrown a tennis ball up and asked him to catch it.  This time his co-hort – “manager who remains nameless” tagged along.  “Nameless” had more of “cat” type personality – much more gentle and cunning in her movements and approach than her retriever friend Matt, but like a cat she made you wonder what was on her mind due to her lack of facial expression.  As Matt begins to hyperly push buttons and scratch his head with his hind leg  (ha not really, but you did laugh right?J) at the fact that the second card won’t ring up Nameless reminds them both of the “Visa” rule in which only one card per transaction can be rung up at a time!  WHAT???  “So, you’re saying I have to write 4 different checks for 4 different cards?????”  To which Angie replies “Well you don’t have to write out the checks I can just run them through the scanner”!  Wow – really Angie?  So, now I’ve turned into somewhat of a bulldog myself and am barking out how I feel about this “policy”.  I tell her to ring up the one and then ring up the rest of my stuff and forget about the others.  So, she does and tries to run my check through the scanner.  But it won’t work!!  Imagine that? 

“Matt come over here again!” Angie yells across two aisles.  Once there Matt remembers the other “Visa” rule.  No checks or credit cards can be used on these.  You can only use cash or debit cards for these Visa gift cards!  Seriously!?  What a stinkin’ hassle!  Does Visa want my business or not???  Visa just lost my classy vote big time! At this point I’ve unleased my Kujo and say “Forget it – just ring up my stuff and forget the cards”.  Angie reminds me that if I buy Walmart cards I can pay for them all at once and in any method.  Yes, Angie – but this destroys the classy factor that I am after here – I wanted to say.

So, I pay for my purchases, pick up my two bags, put them in the cart and head out.  On my way toward the door I decide I’ll just drive down to Walgreens and buy some kind of Gift Cards there and not put myself through this humiliation again at Wally World.  I get to the door and there is a torrential downpour! I’m thinking even the classy Red Warriors umbrella won’t save me now! Feeling pretty defeated, It was at this point that I decided to throw the classy factor completely out the door, swallow my pride, go back to the checkout, pick up four Walmart Cards, a candy bar and a diet coke for my troubles, and call it a day!

So, that is what I do.  Only two lanes are open of course…the express lane and Angie’s.  I went to Angie’s at first. I’m not sure why I went to Angie’s lane except that I felt some kind of odd obligation to her at this point – after all we have a history together now.  But the lady in front had a lot of stuff in her cart so I went over to the express lane. 

After making faces with the cute little girl in the cart ahead of me for what seemed an unusually long time I realized that her mama was having issues with a card she was trying to use which merited the checkout gal to call “MATT” over for this.  Her mama also wasn’t wearing a bra and had only one tooth – but who’s noticing?

So, I begrudgingly made my way back over to Angie’s line just in time to hear her and the customer’s lively conversation about dog spaying and neutering and the rising cost thereof!  It was at this point that Manager Nameless, who was pretty wet, came over to Angie with a couple of bags in her hand. She pointed toward me and said, “Isn’t that the lady right there?”  Angie replied, “Yeah, that’s her… looks like she’s back to buy more gift cards”.  Nameless walks over to me, and hands me two bags and says, “I’ve been looking for you all over the parking lot – you forgot your purchases!!!!”  WHAT??????  All of this and then I go and forget two of my bags! 

Good grief! I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry at the irony of it all so I just stood there dumbfounded – mumbled my thanks to Nameless who I’m sure didn’t like walking around in a torrential downpour looking for a disgruntled customer.  After all, have you ever given a cat a bath? They don’t like water – just for the record.

So, I tell you this story to say that I’m not sure if my path back to Angie to find my purchases that I didn’t know I had lost was coincidence or Divine Intervention!  I choose to think that it was the latter of the two – for I know God has extra angels hovering close by post-menopausal women and after this trip I am convinced that....

God…..

     has….

          a…

              great….

                       sense…

                                   of…

                                         humor!!!

I  was also reminded of the important adage that when I point a finger at someone else there is always 3 more pointing back at me.  Oh yes, and also that the gift of a Walmart Card is classy afterall.....so says me!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snow Days - A poem written out of sheer boredom!

SnOw DaYs!

Now on Day Five of being snowed in!  Don't have much else to do...so through the inspiration of all the Facebook posts and comments people have made in regards to  being cooped up with their kids for this long...(and from my  own personal experience) I wrote a poem to commemorate these crazy snow days!!


Here goes...

Snow Day

Hooray

Sleeping, baking, eating

Cleaning, playing, reading

Snow Day

Hooray

Snow Day #2

Woo Hoo!

Creating, movie watching, PJ wearing

Relaxing, snuggling, popcorn sharing

Snow Day #2

Woo Hoo!

Snow Day #3

You've got to be kidding me!

Annoying, boring, more card playing

snacking, t.v. watching, tired of laying

Snow Day #3

You've got to be kidding me!

Snow Day #4

Can't take it any more

Squabbling, picking, nerve wracking

binge eating, twitching, feeling like packing

Snow Day #4

Can't take it any more

Snow Day #5

Lucky to be alive

Shoveling, plowing, gotta keep trying

Bundling, driving, death defying

Snow Day #5

Lucky to be alive

The end - that's it!  Those first couple of days are great...but they start to get long and we get ready for routine!  Glad for the relaxation but on with life! I did not put Snow Day #6 -
cause I'm hopeful there isn't one!   
                        Hoping...Dreaming...Working...Learning!  
I hope this little poem gave you a smile on this cold day! Stay Warm everyone! 

See Me...a poem given to me by my mother in law about Alzheimers.

I remember the day well.  I remember the day that my dear mother-in-law called me after her weekly visit to the Nursing Home.  She was so faithful to go and visit those in the nursing home.  She told me once that when she started to feel sorry for herself – she would get in her car and go visit!  Sharing her time with others was a blessing to her and to those she visited.  Her heart of service is like no other I know.

On this particular day she was crying.  She had visited a woman who was very alone, never married, in her last days of Alzheimers.  Seeing her old friend this way was more than she could bear.  I remember her saying to me that it was her prayer that she would never be that way, but she feared that she would be.  Even then, she had a little glimpse into her future.  She had great compassion for those who were living in Nursing homes, no longer able to care for themselves, especially those with Dementia – who had no voice.

A few days later she came into the office with a poem she had found that had been written by a woman who died in a geriatric ward of a hospital in England.  This poem was found in the woman’s possessions and was written in her last days.  Esther was so taken with the poem and it’s message, she asked me to print it in our church newsletter. 

I came across it today – I share it with you as tears roll down my cheeks and onto my keyboard. 

What do you see, nurse, what do you see?

Are you thinking when you look at me-

A crabbed old woman, not very wise,

Uncertain of habit with far away eyes,

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply

When you say in a loud voice – “I do wish you’d try.”

Who seems not to notice the things that you do

And forever is losing a stocking or shoe,

Who resisting or not, lets you do as you will

With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.

Is that what you’re thinking, is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse, You’re not looking at ME.

I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still.

As I move at your bidding, eat at your will,

I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters who love one another;

A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet,

Dreaming that soon a love she’ll meet;

A bride at twenty, my heart gives a leap,

Remembering the vows that I promised to keep;

At twenty-five now I have young of my own

Who need me to build a secure, happy home.

A woman of thirty, my young now grow fast,

Bound together with ties that should last.

At forty, my young sons have grown up and gone,

But my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn.

At fifty once more babies play round my knee –

Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead.

I look at the future, I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing young of their own,

And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known.

I’m an old woman now and nature is cruel.

‘Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool

The body it crumbles, grace and vigor depart.

There is a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,

And again my bittered heart swells.

I remember the joys, I remember the pain

And I’m loving and living life over again.

I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast.

And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, nurse, open and see

Not a crabbed old woman,

Look closer –See ME!

pity parties

So, here it is the day I've been fantasizing about for some time.  A big snow day.  A day to be snowed in and get lots of things accomplished, scrapbooking, cleaning house, organizing closets - yep... Bring it!  I'm ready!

Turns out that snow days are anti climatic!  In my fantasy my husband and kids were in the general vicinity not miles away (Dallas).  I had lots of pictures to scrap and even more motivation to do aforementioned list!

My guys left for a convention in Dallas on New Year's day - I knew their return trip might be hampered with the forecast and alas it was.  Flight cancelled - they are stuck in Dallas (the fact that Dallas is somewhat warm and not covered in marshmallow cream - twists the knife in my heart a little deeper). 

I've enjoyed my time with Hannah but turns out I was just a stopping off point for her until her BFF down the street returned from vacay! She couldn't get to her fast enough once she knew she was home. And now that school is cancelled tomorrow....she is spending the night. 

Soooo here I sit inside of this little snow globe watching the snow come down one inch per hour and there isn't relief in sight for awhile - in fact we now have a blizzard warning on top of this! ugh!

"Hey, I'll scrapbook" - proclaimed a joyous me! I got all my stuff out and realized I've never developed any of the million pictures I've taken.  So, downloading and ordering those took up some of my time. 

At last I can watch Bonnie and Clyde that I recorded....didn't know it was a two part series - so I still have no idea what happened to them.. he he

So, I dished out another bowl of spaghetti and meatballs and had myself a little pity party. Trouble is - my pity party kept getting interrupted...

...my sister called to check on me - we had a lovely visit and I got to hear my great nephew coo and giggle in the background.
...even though I declined because I didn't want to brave the weather I was invited by neighbors to come watch a movie
...my neighbor to the east texted to see how I was doing
...my good friend Darla called and we talked a bit.
...oh and by the way...did I mention that earlier in the day I had a surprise visit from two friends who jokingly showed up to eat some of the cookies I complained about being stuck with on facebook!  And one of them even shoveled some of my walk.
...my thoughts also went to this morning when Hannah and I did a devotional together and had some great conversation!
..oh yes and I did find enough motivation to organize the bathroom closet, resulting in the recovery of clippers I forgot I had...resulting in a dog grooming session with the only breathing creature in my grasp!!

Eventhough I just learned that hub's and son's second flight is now cancelled for tomorrow and they won't come in until Tuesday - I'm feeling a little less pitiful thanks to all the little blessings God has sent my way today!  I had to pry my eyelids up a bit to recognize them but when I did I realized that I have no reason to have a pity party - I have been blessed greatly today!

And...so, albeit late, my New Year's resolution this year is to keep a gratitude journal - keeping track of all those blessings along the way for which I am so thankful.

Turns out "He" does supply all my needs according to His glorious riches!  I'm pretty Rich indeed! (as well as cold, snowed in and overstuffed...but that's beside the point)

Don't let cabin fever get the best of you - stay safe and warm and if you run out of things to do - try counting your blessings (name them one by one)!

If you give a mama some super glue

If you give a mama some super glue

she will successfully fix a ceramic dish.
 

She will fill so accomplished and the little vial of super liquid in

her hand will make her feel very powerful.
 

She will feel so powerful that she will set out on a mission

to fix other things.
 

On her mission

she will find a broken drawer in her daughters room.
 

She will unload all the clothes and put the drawer on the bed

next to the nightstand with the ipad and a fruit snack wrapper.
 

She will use the fruit snack wrapper as a safe place to lay the potent

vial of glue after she fills the holes in the cheap dresser drawer being

careful to avoid the ipad.
 

She successfully fixes the drawer and once again feels very accomplished.

She puts the lid back on the glue and loads the clothes back in the drawer.

 

 

While she is on the floor loading the clothes into the drawer she will

notice a basket of clothes that need to be put away.

 

 

When she puts the clothes away she thinks that
 she might as well make her daughters bed.

 

 

When she makes the bed she sees the clutter on her desk,
so she straightens her desk and picks up her trash.

 

 

While she's going to put the trash in the can she thinks she

might as well pick up all the trash in the room.

 

She goes to the nightstand and picks up the fruit snack wrapper (a.ka. safe place to lay

the krazy glue stick) and a post it note and scrunches them up in her hand.

 

 

While she has all this trash in her hand she sees the ipad, realizes it needs to be charged

and decides to take it into the office on her way to the garbage can.

 

While going to plug in the ipad she see a sticky splotch on the front of it

to which she instinctively swiped with the loose pinky finger from the hand

holding the garbage.

 

 

The sticky splotch on the ipad case hardens

Her finger goes numb and the post it note sticks to it!!!

 

 

She removes most of the post it note, leaving a chunk behind on her finger

and tries to use hot water to wash off both her finger and the ipad case

 

The hot water made a hardened mess on both finger and case,

 leaving a condescending dot of hot pink post it note stuck fast to her finger

 

Being careful to type without her sticky post it dotted pinky finger,.
She googles how to remove sticky glue -

to which she was advised to use finger nail polish remover

 

 

She uses the nail polish remover and has some success with her finger but not the ipad case,
removing most of the glue but taking away some of the finish on the leather

 

 

 

Scratching her head over what to do next she looks up and sees a picture of her husband,

owner of the ipad, and wonders if he'll be smiling like he is in the picture when he sees the ipad case?

 

In the picture he is standing next to her daughter, seeing her daughter

 she contemplates taking the ipad back to her daughter's room and letting her take the blame.

 

Underneath the picture of husband and daughter is her bible,

Seeing her bible convicts her of her evil (albeit brilliant) plan.

 

 

 

Next to her bible is her laptop with the google search on the screen

Showing a second method - using Vaseline.

 

 

 

She uses the vaseline on both finger and case,

finger is getting better but case is still wet and she's not sure about it

 

 

 

While waiting for the ipad case to dry she thinks about how humorous all this is

and sits down to write this blog.

 

While writing the blog she replies to a text message

and sees there is still Super glue on her finger.

 

Seeing the Super glue on her finger reminds her

that she didn't finish fixing all the things she wanted to fix

 

 

She goes back to the drawer for the Super Glue...and sees the post it note! 

She makes a note that she better pick up some steaks for supper....just in case!!

This is my town -

My kids have reminded me a couple of times this week how great our town is!  All three of them have been on a lot of adventures this summer and have seen lots of towns.  It's good to know they appreciate Our Town. 

 Inspired by their rekindled love of the place we call home...I sat out at dusk tonight to run an errand several miles away.  I grabbed my camera on the way out, rolled down the window on this gorgeous 74 degree day and took some shots along the way!!  (Nobody was injured in the shooting of these pictures ...I promise!) Here's a glimpse of My Town from my car window....(If I could put this to music I'd choose Montgomery Gentry's song My Town - you're welcome to hum along as you take a look!)

 

This is so typical of our area....An Amish buggy followed by a man on an motorized wheelchair and his wife follows on a three wheeled bike. 
 

Flowers planted along the fence line....lots and lots of different flowers - who thinks of this stuff??
 

I've always admired this Amish garden - didn't realize until I downloaded this pic that there are some children playing in the background!!  What a treat!
 

The Cock of the Walk and His Lady!!
 

An Amish Schoolhouse...very quiet on a Saturday!
 

This shot was taken at the family farm - where Joel's brother lives - sheep are just so peaceful!


I think my kiddos are right!  I love this town - especially in the summer!  Home sweet Home!