As I continue on my approach to the “vintage” years everyday
occurrences can be, oh so disturbing, and yet so hilarious – well, to me
anyway! My family didn’t find the humor
in this story I’m about to tell you! But I’m guessing some of my 40
something friends (or 50 something) (or anyone out there!!!) might find the
humor in this!
I had quite the adventure at Walmart yesterday in my quest
to buy some Visa gift cards.
Here’s what went down.
I had four gift cards to buy for graduates who live out of
town. My boys loved those Visa gift cards because they can be used
anywhere. I didn’t really want Walmart cards because…..well….some folks
think Walmart cards are a bit tacky! Unlike us country folk who think a
free trip to Wally World is one of life’s greatest thrills! I’m not saying
these folks wouldn’t appreciate the Walmart cards – but I just wanted to be a
bit more classy – And nothing says classy more than a Visa gift card in a shiny
little package!
Anyhoo – so off I go on a beautiful day. The minute I
hit the Michigan line (were the Wally World is located) I drove into a
storm! All the other Rednecks in the parking lot just braved the rain –
but I took my Red Warriors Umbrella… because…well…I’m just classy like that!
I frolicked up and down the aisles having a grand ol’ time
as the thunder boomed outside. No greater place to be in a storm than in
the loving embrace of Sam Walton I always say!
At this point I had frolicked and ventured upon aisles that
were not on my list and picked up a few little extras here and there. I mean,
after all, I had brought Joel’s checkbook, so I might as well live large right?
I made my way to the gift card counter and snatched up the
four Visa gift cards. I took a moment to pause and envision the 4
“grads-to-be” opening their envelope, clutching the card to their chest and
singing my praises for such a thoughtful, practical, albeit “classy”
gift!
I placed my items, in order by category of course, on the
conveyor belt with the gift cards leading the way. I’m going to refer to
the checkout gal as Angie (to protect the innocent). Now, Angie had a
great Work Ethic – said no one ever at the Sturgis Walmart! My presumption
about Angie’s poor work ethic is based on her facial frustration, the use of
profanity and the eye rolls she made at the register when it didn’t perform to
her satisfaction. However, having said this, I do think that Angie was a
religious girl because she praised God loudly for the fact that it was almost
lunch time. It was evident that work wasn’t Angie’s top priority, but, hey
a girl’s gotta do what she has to do to support her facial piercing habit I’m
sure.
The Visa gift cards really threw poor Angie off and so she
called for the manager to help her.. like this…”HEY MATT come over here”!
So Matt, who was very Labrador Retrieverish in his actions, came bounding over
at her beck and call. He showed and talked her through the correct
buttons to push on her machine of frustration and she shooed him away
(literally she actually shooed him away saying – I GOT THIS YOU CAN GO NOW and
Matt just kept acting hyper and talking, talking, talking). One card rung
up and on to the next! But once again, not working! Of course, by
this time, a long row of onlookers have lined up behind me. So, she
beckons good Ol’ Matt again – “Matt Get over here again!” So, good ol’
Matt comes bounding over as if she had thrown a tennis ball up and asked him to
catch it. This time his co-hort – “manager who remains nameless” tagged
along. “Nameless” had more of “cat” type personality – much more gentle
and cunning in her movements and approach than her retriever friend Matt, but
like a cat she made you wonder what was on her mind due to her lack of facial
expression. As Matt begins to hyperly push buttons and scratch his head
with his hind leg (ha not really, but
you did laugh right?J)
at the fact that the second card won’t ring up Nameless reminds them both of
the “Visa” rule in which only one card per transaction can be rung up at a
time! WHAT??? “So, you’re saying I have to write 4 different checks
for 4 different cards?????” To which Angie replies “Well you don’t have
to write out the checks I can just run them through the scanner”! Wow –
really Angie? So, now I’ve turned into somewhat of a bulldog myself and
am barking out how I feel about this “policy”. I tell her to ring up the
one and then ring up the rest of my stuff and forget about the others.
So, she does and tries to run my check through the scanner. But it won’t
work!! Imagine that?
“Matt come over here again!” Angie yells across two
aisles. Once there Matt remembers the other “Visa” rule. No checks
or credit cards can be used on these. You can only use cash or debit
cards for these Visa gift cards! Seriously!? What a stinkin’
hassle! Does Visa want my business or not??? Visa just lost my classy vote big time! At
this point I’ve unleased my Kujo and say “Forget it – just ring up my stuff and
forget the cards”. Angie reminds me that if I buy Walmart cards I can pay
for them all at once and in any method. Yes, Angie – but this destroys
the classy factor that I am after here – I wanted to say.
So, I pay for my purchases, pick up my two bags, put them in
the cart and head out. On my way toward the door I decide I’ll just drive
down to Walgreens and buy some kind of Gift Cards there and not put myself
through this humiliation again at Wally World. I get to the door and
there is a torrential downpour! I’m thinking even the classy Red Warriors
umbrella won’t save me now! Feeling pretty defeated, It was at this point that
I decided to throw the classy factor completely out the door, swallow my pride,
go back to the checkout, pick up four Walmart Cards, a candy bar and a diet
coke for my troubles, and call it a day!
So, that is what I do. Only two lanes are open of
course…the express lane and Angie’s. I went to Angie’s at first. I’m not
sure why I went to Angie’s lane except that I felt some kind of odd obligation
to her at this point – after all we have a history together now. But the
lady in front had a lot of stuff in her cart so I went over to the express
lane.
After making faces with the cute little girl in the cart
ahead of me for what seemed an unusually long time I realized that her mama was
having issues with a card she was trying to use which merited the checkout gal
to call “MATT” over for this. Her mama also wasn’t wearing a bra and had
only one tooth – but who’s noticing?
So, I begrudgingly made my way back over to Angie’s line
just in time to hear her and the customer’s lively conversation about dog
spaying and neutering and the rising cost thereof! It was at this point
that Manager Nameless, who was pretty wet, came over to Angie with a couple of
bags in her hand. She pointed toward me and said, “Isn’t that the lady right
there?” Angie replied, “Yeah, that’s her… looks like she’s back to buy
more gift cards”. Nameless walks over to me, and hands me two bags and
says, “I’ve been looking for you all over the parking lot – you forgot your
purchases!!!!” WHAT?????? All of this and then I go and forget two
of my bags!
Good grief! I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry at the
irony of it all so I just stood there dumbfounded – mumbled my thanks to
Nameless who I’m sure didn’t like walking around in a torrential downpour
looking for a disgruntled customer. After
all, have you ever given a cat a bath? They don’t like water – just for the
record.
So, I tell you this story to say that I’m not sure if my
path back to Angie to find my purchases that I didn’t know I had lost was
coincidence or Divine Intervention! I
choose to think that it was the latter of the two – for I know God has extra
angels hovering close by post-menopausal women and after this trip I am
convinced that....
God…..
has….
a…
great….
sense…
of…
humor!!!
I was also reminded of the important adage that when I point a finger at someone else there is always 3 more pointing back at me. Oh yes, and also that the gift of a Walmart Card is classy afterall.....so says me!!!
